Today, I find myself in need of something to make me smile. It’s been a rough week, so it’s time to laugh a bit. Thankfully, the internet is filled with funny quotes to drive away my Friday Blues (not really a thing, so sue me!).

Here are a few that made me chuckle:

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know. — W. H. Auden

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. — Ron White

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. — Isaac Asimov

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. — Don Marquis

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. — Mitch Hedberg

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I. — Oscar Levant

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity. — Albert Einstein

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing. — Robert Benchley

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. — Anthony Burgess

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. — Terry Pratchett

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full time job and children. — Bill Hicks

If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days. — Robin Williams

Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we’ll find it. — Sam Levenson

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. — Joan Rivers

Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter. — James A. Garfield
The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun. — P. G. Wodehouse

 

Courtesy of Brainy Quote